Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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