She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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