You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
