i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I stole a fireplace last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
