Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
