Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wear drunk well.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
