You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
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What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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