You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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