We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
