are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we made out on top of his cat.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Houston, we have a blender
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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