Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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