Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
