I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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