My Higher Power is John Stamos
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have aggressive nipples.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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