So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
