she woke up with a sticky ear
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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