Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
