Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
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