If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
