all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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