Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
