Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
