why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
