I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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