I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
