So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
