You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
