so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
