Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
