I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
