just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
