I only kidnapped one of them. chill
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
