drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
