Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
