Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
