I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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