have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
