I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
