oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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