you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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