yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
