My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
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I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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