I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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