Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
