Duck Duck Cougar?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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