Who wears a wallet chain?!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
