Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
