I must be too annoying 4 u.
we made out on top of his cat.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
