how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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