I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
