We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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