Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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