My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
