Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
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Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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