Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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