i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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