Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
