omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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