Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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