I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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