I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
