Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
