So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
