I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
