when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
