Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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