your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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