in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
