i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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