I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
