I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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