Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Your penis caused this!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
