My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
