Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
