if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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