is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
