She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
