whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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