My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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